2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize