Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
