the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
pop tarts are not kleenex
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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