okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
