you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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