I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it's like heaven, but drunker
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
