jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize