i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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