Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
