she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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