Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
