I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
