Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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