I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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