i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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