so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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