Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Pooping to opera.
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