so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
