I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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