ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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