She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
