hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
