i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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