As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Your dad touched me again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
