Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
