using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
