Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
