Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
