You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
