Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
