Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
