i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
