i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
