He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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