Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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