I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
