Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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