i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
