He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
