What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
