and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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