Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
