Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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