so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
