Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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