Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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