how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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