i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
