i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
