And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
