note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
