I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
