Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
