just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
