I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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