dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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