i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
vagina is talking i cant
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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