dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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