I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
