my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
