Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
