you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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