dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
