A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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