Please, let me fuck your mom
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
