Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
