Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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