How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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