if i can run in heels then i can drive
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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