Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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