4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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