I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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