i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
