Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
