you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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