he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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