i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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