so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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