Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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