So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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