I want to stick my p in your. b.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
